Asking for consent doesn’t mean dropping trou and bluntly propositioning your date like a horndog. Rather, it’s about open communication to make sure any intimacy between you develops in a way that feels good for both parties. A few questions and check-ins can help set the right mood.
Before things get too hot and heavy, try gently asking “Is this okay?” while caressing their face or giving them a sensual massage. Pay close attention to their body language and any verbal cues to make sure the feelings are mutual. If they seem tense or hesitant, slow down or stop completely. Forcing yourself onto someone without consent is never acceptable.
Some may worry that constantly asking for consent will kill the mood or make things awkward. Quite the opposite. Knowing your partner is fully on board and present in the moment will make the encounter that much hotter. It shows you respect them, value their pleasure and comfort, and want to make sure any intimacy between you is meaningful for all parties involved.
So go ahead, ask for consent without fear. An ethical, communicative approach to sexuality builds intimacy and trust, the foundations of any healthy relationship. Getting consent right can transform a physical act into an emotionally profound experience you’ll both remember for years to come.orry that constantly asking for consent will kill the mood or make things awkward. Quite the opposite. Knowing your partner is fully on board and present in the moment will make the encounter that much hotter. It shows you respect them, value their pleasure and comfort, and want to make sure any intimacy between you is meaningful for all parties involved.
So go ahead, ask for consent without fear. An ethical, communicative approach to sexuality builds intimacy and trust, the foundations of any healthy relationship. Getting consent right can transform a physical act into an emotionally profound experience you’ll both remember for years to come.
Practicing Affirmative Consent: Tips for Communicating Boundaries
So you want to get intimate with your partner, but don’t know where to start communicating boundaries? No worries, we’ve got you covered.
Be Direct But Gentle
Don’t beat around the bush, but also don’t come on too strong. Say something like “I’d like to take things further, but want to make sure we’re on the same page about what we’re both OK with.” A little awkwardness now prevents a lot of awkwardness later.
Ask Open-ended Questions
Rather than yes/no questions, ask things like “What do you feel comfortable with?” or “How far do you want to go tonight?”. Give them space to share what they want at their own pace.
Share your Own Boundaries too
It’s a two-way street. Say what you’re OK with, but also what you don’t want to do. “I’m down for some making out and over-the-clothes action, but want to hold off on anything beyond that for now.” Be honest but gentle.
Double Check Along the Way
Consent isn’t a one-and-done deal. Whisper “Is this OK?” or “Do you want me to keep going?” as you progress to each new level of intimacy. If at any point the answer is “no” or they seem unsure, stop immediately and have an open conversation.
Practice Makes Perfect
Having these conversations will feel awkward at first, but with regular practise it’ll become second nature. And the intimacy you build through honest communication and mutual understanding will be well worth it. So take a deep breath and take that first step. You've got this!
Do the work, have the awkward conversations, push through the discomfort. It will be worth it. You'll find yourself blissfully free of resentment and misunderstanding, wrapped in the warmth of true emotional and physical intimacy with your partner. What are you waiting for? Go on, start talking. And listening. Don't forget the listening part, that's important too.
Consent isn't a one-time thing, it's not a box to tick on your way to the good stuff. Make it part of the good stuff. Consent can be sexy, intimacy building, relationship cementing. Honestly, what have you got to lose? Apart from unhealthy dynamics, emotional distance and a rubbish sex life, obviously. Go build that intimacy, you saucy communication experts, you. The rewards will be well worth the effort.
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